i have issues , big time .

2:30 AM

(i'd blog about valentines' some other time)

moments ago , i got up from my bed and thought to myself that i officially need a change , a major one , in this case , to at least provide me with a purpose to live , because finally , finally my senses found its way back to me (and decided to function properly) and somehow persuaded me that since i'm having a VERY long holiday right now , i should do something that would really be benefial to me or something , at least , .. something productive ? rather than to just , do nothing .

i need to :

# 1 : ACHIEVE SELF-ACTUALIZATION. which is , of course , find out who i really am because , for as long as my seveteen years (and more) of living , i don't really know who i am half the time (most of the time actually) which is really very pathetic of me , if you'd ask . so , achieving self-actualization should really be on the top of the list of my 'i-need-to' . EVEN sheikh think that i need to achieve self-actualization . no , actually , he advised me to achieve the 2nd of the 'needs' theory first before anything else , which is love and belongingness . (self-actualization is the 5th) . one word , fuck you . wait , i think that's two words . haha .

# 2 : OVERCOME MY FEARS OF BOYS . as if things are not as bad as it already is , this one guy just HAVE to tell me he loves me EVEN BEFORE MEETING ME which is insanely RIDICULOUS . okay , actually we've met for a couple of times before , but that was 2 YEARS BACK , however though , we bumped into each other just last week . he even explained to me the reasons to why he said that he loved me (WTF?!?!) . he freaked me out . boys are so scary sometimes that they are something that i fear of most of the time . i mean , i dont fear them in the 'RESPECTING-THEM' kind of way . what i meant is , i fear them because they are so weird and .. just so weird i don't know what's up with them . you know what i need ? all i need now is a guy who would think like a girl but act like a man . that's what i need .But as qouted by the Domina Reis in 'The Princess Diaries' , there isn't any need for us girls to have a man in our life because , hello , this is the 21st century for crying out loud ! but to think of it , well , i've to admit , ALL us girls NEED a man , don't we ? not necessarily as someone for us to depend on , but , at least someone for us to love , and being loved back . we all love loving each other , don't we ? :) god , i'm contradicting myself again .

# 3 : OVERCOME MY FEARS OF APEKs . i was being stared from top to bottom from this really ugly pervectic and utterly DISGUSTING LIKE CRAZY old man at bedok interchange just now and i felt molested by his eyes , really . he didn't had any physical contact with me actually . but it's just his .. his stares , those really disgusting stares .. it's really scary and i got really agitated .

# 4 : GET MY BODY CLOCK RIGHT ! it isnt really awesome sleeping REALLY late at about 7 in the morning , and wake up only when the clock shows it's after 3pm . it's making me feel dizzy like crazy sometimes ! i get really tired easily . and i'm serious . because i get tired even if it's just 2 hours since i just got up from bed . this is bad .

# 5 : GET A HOBBY TO GET MYSELF OCCUPIED WITH .... STUFFS . have i told you that i've started my mandarin classes already ? it's pretty fun , especially with lubna around . this time i think we're really well , just really very , unprofessional in class . (note how i avoid to use 'bimbotic') . others were really trying their best to pronounce 'zhi' or whatever , while lubna and myself was SERIOUSLY busy with our cellphones . it's not that we want that to happen but , our phones just couldnt stop buzzing . and yes , reading is my new hobby now . i've just spent 12 hours on the bed yesterday finishing up book 9 and 10 of the princess diaries series . apart from those two , i think i need to get a new hobby , say , taekwando ? or silat (lubna and myself have been wanting to enter either one since last two months) for self defence , in case any DISGUSTING-LIKE-CRAZY apek happen to mentally molest me in the future using the same kind of stares that the apek at bedok gave me just now . it's really disturbing i tell you .

i think 5 would do just fine for me now .
and i've decided to remove my tagboard for now because i don't see the point of it being there . no , there's no hate-tag or anything of that sort . you can still reach me by the email under my profile section though .

crosses and circles ,
farah .

i have issues , big time .

2:30 AM

2:30 AM