there is no guarantee, that this love is easy

1:22 AM

Sorry, it's been a while since i put up a picture of myself.
Lol.

Anyway, to my surprise (or maybe even yours since it did surprised a couple of poeple) , tomorrow would be the mark of my 1st anniversary with my boyfriend, Megat Hikal, whom I recently officially decided to refer him as Meggies Goreng.

Meet Meggies.
He is the one, for your information, the one whom made me blush when I first saw him crossing the road. He was the one who blew me off my feets. He was the one who made me crazy waiting for his messages when we exchanged numbers. He was the one who made me roll around my bed just by hearing him saying "Hello" on the phone. He was the one who gave me the appetite to eat every single food i see because I was so in love. He was the one who tried to memorize a couple of malay songs lyrics just to sing it to me although he suck at memorizing lyrics. He was the one whose smile i see whenever i close my eyes. He was the one whose smell still linger around me although it has been hours after we met. He was the one whom made me feel on top of the world. He was the one whom made everything else perfect with just his presence. He was the one who cared. He was the one who made me smile all alone. He was the one who made me have butterflies in my stomach just by thinking about him. He was the one whom made me the happiest girl alive.

But.

He was also the one who crushed my hopes and dreams. He was the one who also brought me to my lowest point. He was the one who made me believe that there is no such thing like a fairytale. He made me believe that things will never be easy. He made me believe that love isn't all sweet. He showed and brought me to the hardest points of life. He was the one who made my heart broken. He was the one whom broke the wall of trust I have for him. He was the one who made me cry. He was the one whom made me believe that I suck. He was my biggest nightmare. He was the one whom made me humiliated and ashamed. He was the one who did something I never wished he would. He was the one who held me up so high but loosen up his grip and let me fall down, hard. He was the one who made me give up in both life and love.

So what do you call it?
Love?

When I first experienced being in a relationship, I was a noob. Nobody thought me how to love. Nobody told me the meaning of love so I didn't even have a gauge of how it is supposed to be, or how it is supposed to feel like.

When I first experienced being in a relationship, I made mistakes because nobody told me what was right or what was wrong.

When I first experienced being in a relationship, I was hurt, but i thought it was OK to feel hurt. I felt so hurt that I could feel the intense burst within my heart. I was deeply hurt but I thought it was normal getting and being hurt so I couldn't care much. I forgave. I keep on forgiving. I didn't know if what I did was right, but I forgave anyway, because I didn't know how LOVE is supposed to be like.

I had no direction. I had no clue. Nobody knew. Nobody had rules or regulations for love. But everybody holds experiences.

I had experiences. And I am going to experience more experiences with Meggies. Insya'Allah.

So what do you call it again?
Love?

The meaning of LOVE differs. Everybody experience different situations and relationships. Nobody felt the same way like others do, because some of us are stronger than the others, some of us knew what to do, some of us are just clueless.

And I am clueless.

I have this HUGE feeling for him.
But I hate him, too.

So what do you call that?
Is Love supposed to be a love-hate relationship?
I keep on asking myself that throughout my relationships.

But today, today I found the answer that I have been looking for.

I was on the phone with Meggies and this was how the conversation went.

Farah : baby, no matter how much or how hard u try to fix a mistake, things will never be the same again, just like how u try to fix a broken glass and put the pieces back together

Megat : Always remember this sayang, but whenever u heat and melt the broken glass, u can make it into a better and nicer glass after that with no holes or cracks. Things will always be beautiful again. Have faith in me. I love you

Love is when you know you would still want to be with him even after going through the hardest obstacles in a relationship. Love is when you find yourself being there with him although you think you are the stupidest and retarded person on earth for STILL staying and hanging on to him after all the bullshits you have gone through with him but still think that the relationship is worth saving.

You proved to me what love is.
You are the love of my life.
I love you Megat Hikal.

Happy advanced 1st anniversary.
There is no guarantee that this love is easy,
but I know we can do it. Through whatever, I will be here.
For you I will.

Crosses and circles,
farah

there is no guarantee, that this love is easy

1:22 AM

1:22 AM